How to Deal with Jealousy
Jealousy is a deconstructing feeling that makes relationships unbearable for both partners. Because of jealousy, they donít trust each other anymore and it leads to misunderstandings, fights, and finally to a breakup. Aggression and desire of total control over the partner are typical for relationships ruled by jealousy. Is that the type of romance you want to be in? Probably, it makes sense to cope with your jealousy in order to prevent the breakup? Hereís how.
Reasons of jealousy
In the vast majority of cases, people donít become jealous because of their significant otherís flirting with other people or cheating. Low self esteem and inability to believe that you are good enough to be loved by someone may be the reason of jealousy. This type of people needs to see the evidences and proofs of love all the time, and even a slight loss of attention results in painful and inadequate reaction. As a rule, there is objectively nothing to be jealous about.
Obsession with relationships
Some people take relationships too serious and turn them into their #1 life goal. They will do anything to keep it going, thatís why they want to control their partners all the time. They are scared of being alone, which is pretty natural for human beings unless it goes beyond common sense.
Lack of trust
People that used to have spouseís unfaithfulness experience in the past or witnessed negative example from parents tend to be jealous. These people just donít let themselves be happy and believe that cheating is inevitable.
In some cases, people that secretly want something start projecting this desire on other people. So, itís possible that the reason of jealousy is the desire to cheat on the spouse (or the fact of cheating in the past). Indeed, the best defense is a good offence.
How to cope with jealousy
Admit that you have a problem
Sometimes, people refuse to admit that they have a problem and try to advocate their behavior with the words: ďHe/she is giving me the reason to be jealousĒ. Analyze your feelings and understand that itís all about your issues (unless you really have evidences of cheating).
Explain your partner what makes you feel jealous. Relationships are all about compromise. Probably, your partner has no idea that certain actions make you mad.
Improve your self esteem
Easier said than done, right? Indeed, weíve been ďcollectingĒ our hang-ups for years, and itís hard to get rid of them. Consult with professional psychologist to cope with this issue.
You should understand that severe outbursts of jealousy will most likely lead to breakup or real episode of cheating. Let your partner enjoy personal freedom and try to understand that thereís no way you can prevent him/her from cheating if thatís what he/she wants. Meanwhile, one who really loves someone wouldnít cheat. Thus, concentrate on being a good partner instead of turning into a furious monster.
Donít compare ďbeforeĒ and ďafterĒ
If youíve been in a relationship for a while, itís pretty natural that you are becoming less devoted to each other. It can happen due to multiple reasons (children, work, problems) and has nothing to do with feelings to you.
Donít treat your couple as an inseparable unit
You are two different people with different interests and circles of contacts. Donít expect that your spouse will be with you 24/7. Let him/her breath.
Relationships are all about trust, and jealousy kills it pretty fast. You canít cope with jealousy without understanding the reasons, so try to identify what makes you jealous and do your best to overcome it. Remember that your personal happiness is your own business and itís up to you to make your relationships harmonious, peaceful, and full of positive experience.
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